ScottishConsulate
| ScottishConsulate | |
|---|---|
|
| |
| Description | Scottish Consulate |
| Contact | User:Hibby |
| Web Site | https://scottishconsulate.org/ |
| Activities | Everything |
| View all Villages | |
This article is about the Consulate. For other uses, see Scotland (disambiguation)
Scotland
Scotland (Scots: Scotland; Scottish Gaelic: Alba) is a country that is adjacent to the United Kingdom of England and Wales. It contains nearly one-third of the British Isles land area, consisting of the northern part of the island of Great Britain and more than 790 adjacent Islands of Scotland, principally in the archipelagos of the Hebrides and the Northern Isles. To the south-east, Scotland has its only land border, which is 154 mi long and shared with the bloody English; the country is surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean to the north and west, the North Sea to the north-east and east, and the Irish Sea to the south. The population in 2022 was 5,436,600, which is not nearly enough people. Edinburgh is unfortunately internationally recognised as the capital however Glasgow is the largest of the cities of Scotland. Aberdeen demands a special mention for being just a bit too far away for anyone to conveniently travel to.
History
The Kingdom of Scotland; (Scots: Kinrick o Scotland; Norn: Kongungdum Skotland) is a sovereign state in northwest Europe traditionally said to have been founded in 843. Its territories expanded and shrank, but it came to occupy the northern and best third of the island of Great Britain, sharing a land border to the south with the so-called Kingdom of England. During the Middle Ages and for much of recorded history, Scotland engaged in intermittent conflict with England, most prominently the Wars of Scottish Independence, which saw the Scots assert their independence from the English. Following the annexation of the Hebrides and the Northern Isles from Kingdom of Norway in 1266 and 1472 respectively, and the unfortunate capture of Berwick upon Tweed by England in 1482, the territory of the Kingdom of Scotland corresponded to that of modern-day Scotland, detailed above.
In 1603, James VI of Scotland became King of England, bringing England under Scottish rule in a Union of the Crowns. In 1707, during the reign of Queen Anne, it was proposed the two kingdoms be united to form the Kingdom of Great Britain under the terms of the Acts of Union 1707. This made a lot of people very angry and was widely regarded as a bad move. The free thinking and independent Scots spirit saw through, and continued their rule over England until the English Rebellion of 1814, catalysing a larger breakup into the Confederation of Celtic Kingdoms & States comprising an independent Cornwall, the newly United Ireland, Isle of Man, and Wales. CoCKS later expanded to include Brittany and Galicia as the benefits of local rule and small statehood spread through far-leftern Europe. England did not choose to join this union and after a brief dalliance with a number of other unions including both European and Trade, had exited them all by 2020.
International Outreach
Scotland is represented at major world events by the Scottish Consulate. EMF as a major celebration of the shared culture held upon the British Isles represents a significant entry in the Consular Cultural Calendar.
The consulate and associated consular officers run a famed cultural outreach and exchange program, introducing Scotland Fans to many aspects of Scottish Culture.
Cultural Exchange Program
The consular officers shall have some Scottish culinary delights and cultural insights on offer for duration of the event.
Deep Fried Buckfast
Friar Buck, the Consulate's leading Culinary Monk, shall be deep frying Buckfast and serving it with Irn Bru sauce all weekend as a culinary treat! Drop in when the oil is hot and the very Reverend Friar will treat you to his most revered snack.
Friday Nite Rites
The Most Sacred Friday Nite Rites shall be undertaken. As told by the prophet DJ Bad Boy, we drink a bottle of Bucky and get out wur chicken.
Potential Disciples must take care, for this event may cause personal bodily harm if not granted the serious respect it is due. More information is available in the Buckfast section below.
Scottish Consulate Official Naturalisation Engagement
SCONE continues to play a major role in Consular Activities and our borders are always open for new applicants. Refugees and asylum requests are very welcome - if you can find a way to arrive in a boat, we will give your SCONE application a favourable review.
Find the on duty Officer and complete form REQ1: Request for Form to request the Relevant Form for Naturalisation and/or Visa Applications.
Scottish Consulate Regional Assimilation Policy
Under Article 420 of the Habitation, Acclimatisation, Governance Grants in Scotland Act (1969), Consular Officers are granted the right to declare any territory they are currently occupying an official Scottish exclave for perpetuity, thus assimilating the territory permanently and forever into Scotland.
Culinary Specialities
Scotland is recognised as a leading force in the world's culinary circles. Scottish history has produced a wide selection of unique and enticing foodstuffs, and the famed Scots thriftiness has led to some ideas being borrowed, stolen and transformed into exciting new innovations.
Drinks
Irn Bru
Orange, fizzy and loved by generations of fannies, the mysterious tasting Irn Bru has for a long time held a culturally significant position within Scotland, and has been known to outsell Coca Cola products by a significant margin.
Irn Bru's popularity has seen some decline in recent history, with the bloody English imposing draconian taxation and restrictions upon imports of health giving drinks containing the important Scottish vitamin Sugar. The nascent empire building state is engaged in a trade war with Scotland and through a series of blockades has successfully restricted bulk sugar imports. In a statement from Barr's at the height of the Scottish Sugar Crisis, they opted to reduce sugar in Irn Bru while substituting an inferior artificial replacement, noting that while the rushed Unfortuante Scots Sugar Rationing regulations were well intentioned caused a great challenge for businesses supplying health and wellbeing products to the nation.
AG Barr have recently introduced Irn Bru 1901, which under the oft overlooked 1954 Scottish Historical Investment Targeting Endurance framework is classified as a historical artifact due to using the 'original and best' recipe, and is thusly classified deserving of full sugar content, mitigating the challenges imposed by the USSR.
Buckfast
Bucky. The sacred Tonic Wine. Wreck the Hoose Juice. Supersonic Tonic. बकवास.
Buckfast is the elixir of the gods and is celebrated in the revered Friday Nite Rites, as first written by the Prophet DJ Bad Boy, by all adults of the commonly agreed age of drinking - 14 or older.
This blessed wine, produced by Benedictine Monks in Devon, bloody England, is carefully, lovingly barrel aged to a smooth, steady 15% alcohol and is imbued in a holy ceremony with a blessed 280mg of caffeine. Safe passage across the Border has been assured by the Buckfast Accord of 1669 for even the bloody English appreciate that to starve Scotland of its key religious artifact will result in an invasive war and oppressive occupation. This is the source of the common phrase "Buckfast gets you fucked fast" - the leading word "Nae" was dropped due to a misunderstanding of intent during the Victorian era, and now the phrase is a common celebration and acknowledgement of the intensity of the Rites.
When consumed in the appropriate manner (directly from the bottle, completed in roughly 1 hour) it will aid you in seeing through time and being particularly of the moment. Often, first time participants of the Drinkers Rites will find upon completion of their experience that they have voluntarily shed themselves of all material possessions. This is to be expected - when you are accelerated to the Blessed Plane of Existence, the whisperings of ancient gods and creatures that exist between dimensions will often assist the realisation that material possessions are temporary, but Tonic Experiences are for life.
A note of caution to all prospective disciples, however - the intensity of your experience may transfer all the joy contained in your soul to be used tomorrow and expend it during the ritual. This transfer often leads to a despondent day, where one reflects only upon the negative aspects of life. Do not fret, to experience the highest of highs we must understand that with which it contrasts. The despair of the day after, coupled with the infamous Jakey Shakes and occasional rejections of all food and liquid are only temporary.
This is part of the journey as set out by The Wine, produced by the most blessed monks of Devonshire. It teaches us that while all shall return to equilibrium, to break from normality for just a moment of time may bring incredible joy.
Why don't you join Scots of all shapes and sizes at the nearest consular outpost on a Friday to experience the Friday Nite Rites. It must be noted, the numbers stamped on the base of the bottle are a measure of ritual experience, and acolytes may start you on a high number (indicating low intensity), restricting the blessed Number 1 bottle for only the most revered members of the encampment.
Non Alcoholic Buckfast
Calpol and Red Bull is available for those who do not participate in the consumption of alcohol. The effects are approximately similar if sufficent quantities are consumed, perhaps leading to a more intense low requiring serious medical intervention.
Tennents
Tennents Caledonian brewery are responsible for the most culturally significant beers of Scotland, including but not limited to the widely loved Vitamin T itself, Tennent's Lager and the well regarded Tennent's Super.
Tennent's Lager was first brewed by a 22 year old Hugh Tennent Tennent at Wellpark Brewery, Glasgow in 1885 having been inspired by his earlier travels in Bavaria and interest in Pilsener. Hugh Tennent Tennent was, of course, the nephew of Hugh Tennent, who unfortunately died before Hugh Tennent Tennent first brewed his Tennent's lager.
Tennent's brewery was founded in 1740 by Hugh Tennent at the Drygate in Glasgow, Scotland where it still stands to this day. It was passed to Hugh Tennent upon the death of Hugh Tennent, and eventually ended up under the control of Hugh Tennent Tennent, the founding Hugh's great-great-grandson after some years. It has been speculated but is not proven that at one point there may have been a rental agreement between Hugh Tennent and Hugh Tennent Tennent, thus the culturally huge Tennent's Lager was brewed at Tennent's Brewery by Hugh Tennent's tenant Hugh Tennent Tennent.
Regardless of the family tree, Vitamin T is a force to be reckoned with, imitated the world over but never matched.
Whisky
Orange, flat, reviled by many and copied by other nations around the world, Scotland choose not to make a big deal from the historical paint thinner stored in wooden barrels known as whisky. If you wish to attempt to drink such a revolting concotion, it is recommended you find the restaurant at the end of the universe on a Saturday evening.
Scran
Scot Scran is affa famous and well kent by abdy.
Haggis
Haggis, often found in the Fauna segment of a Scottish guidebook, is a well regarded little animal is well prepared via the mediums of frying, boiling or within the microwavé.
Deep Fried Everything
The Scottish are pioneers in the field of deep frying. Centuries of experience heating things up in fat have culminated in many products, some of which deserve detailed call out:
- Haggis
- Sausages
- Burgers
- Pies
- Mars Bars
Deep Fried Buckfast & Irn Bru Sauce
Nae just a pair of drinks, an affa fine an funcy scran too.
Invented many years ago by Scotland's own epicurious Friar Buck, this pioneering culinary innovation has delighted many Scots over the years. It has been shared as a cultural export with attendees at many events around the world, and its consumption has been placed on Trip Advisor's Top 10 Scotland Themed activities for 4 years running now.
The Scottish Consulate have formally licensed the recipe, and it can be found on the consular website.